


Loki's Blue (aka Sometimes It's Better to Have Your Head Split in Half)

by Greatwest



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Attempt at Humor, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-27
Updated: 2015-01-27
Packaged: 2018-03-09 07:51:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,259
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3241973
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Greatwest/pseuds/Greatwest
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>((aka Fuck You Eiffel 65)).</p>
<p> Tony can't find his Stark Phone, so he asks help to the other only resident of the Tower, Loki. Except he fucks up.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Loki's Blue (aka Sometimes It's Better to Have Your Head Split in Half)

**Author's Note:**

> Hey, guys! Welcome to my first FrostIron fanfic! I really kind of don't like it, but I'm still kinda new to writing fanfics, so I'm really hoping my fanfics end up getting better.  
> So, this idea popped up in my mind while at work, when I started humming songs to entertain myself, I won't say anything else because it'll be spoiler, but I couldn't get this idea out of my mind, so I just knew I had to write it. And I'm gonna be pretty honest guys, I'm not really good at humor stories, I gotta say that my talent lies on tragedy and that kind of stuff, so it's not laughing worthy, but I hope I can at least make you grin.
> 
> Anyway, I already said too much. Enjoy!

God dammit. This was ridiculous. Tony Stark, who entered MIT at the age of 15 and has two Master's degrees, who is a genius and billionaire, who is Iron Man, could not find his Stark Phone. It didn't matter how many sheets he threw up in the air, or how many pillows ended up on the floor, he could not find his damn phone. Of course, he did ask Jarvis, he is a genius after all. But the AI replied with a “I'm sorry, sir. But it seems you deactivated your mobile's tracking system, I'm afraid I can not find it” bullshit.

 God fucking dammit. Why did he deactivate that shit anyway? What was so important that he-

 “You were on a trip, sir. You didn't want Director Fury tracking you down to ruin your vacation.” Jarvis oh so helpfully replied.

 “It was a rhetorical question, Jarvis.”

 “I see, sir. But you seemed very-”

 “You do not answer a rhetorical question, Jarvis.”

 “Yes, sir. I am aware of that. Perhaps you should-”

 “Do you wanna know why?”

 “No, sir. I can search it. But maybe you should-”

 “Rhetorical question is, according to the internet, a figure of speech in the form of a question that is asked to ma-”

 “Sir!”

 “What?”

 “Have you thought in asking Mr. Laufeyson to call your phone?”

 “...”

 “Sir?”

 “Jarvis, you're a genius.”

 “Yes, I'm quite aware of that-”

 “That was a rhetorical compliment.”

 “... I am not sure that's a thing that exis-”

 “Where is he?”

 “Mr. Laufeyson is currently reading Fifty Shades of Grey in your living room, sir.”

 “He's WHAT?”

 “He is reading, sir.”

 “No, yeah, but what?”

 “Fifty Shades of Grey.”

 “...Huh. Does he seems to be enjoying it?”

 “More like trying not to rip his eyeballs out.”

 “Weird, it seems he's more a 'do it' guy than a 'read it'.” Stark mumbled more to himself than to Jarvis as he left the room, which rendered the AI silent for a good couple of minutes.

 “I needed not know that, sir.” he said with a trickle of regret.

 And it was just as Jarvis said, Loki was laying down on the couch with the book in hands, apparently enjoying himself, but if watched closely, one could see his hands clenching around the book, as if going to rip it in half. Tony could only wonder why he hasn't yet set it in fire. The porn must be really good.

 “Hey, babe. Enjoying yourself?”

 “You better shut the fuck up, Stark. Otherwise, I swear I'll split your head open with this book.” Loki replied with gritted teeth, to which Tony just grimaced. It would be a shameful way of going down, he could just imagine the headline of the newspapers: 'Tony Stark, aka Iron Man, is killed by his psychopath alien boyfriend Loki, who used a Fifty Shades of Grey copy to split his head open. At least it was a good head.' He swallowed, and thought that maybe deserved having his head split open, with a pun as bad as that. Shameful.

 “Dang, not cool, Lokes.” Stark said with a slight frown on his head, which earned him a glare of doom from Loki, and, well, if what they say about the eyes being the window to the soul is true, then Loki's soul must be in real agony. Damn, that book must be really bad.

 “If you're hating the book so much, why are you still reading it?” Tony reasoned. “Is this some new kinky stuff you have going on? Because if it is, I wouldn't mind reading you some really bad books as you jerk off. Even if it is kind of, you know, wei-”

 “Anthony.”

 “What?” _Oh no. The full first name card. This only means two things: one, he's going to kill me; or two, he's going to fuck me senseless and then kill me. Please, at least use the lube._

 “Why are you here? Shouldn't you be calling Ms. Potts?”

 “Oh.” Fuck! The phone! How could he forget it? He should have called Pepper ages ago! “Right! That's why I'm here. Lokes, could you be a sweet boyfriend, and call my phone for me? I swear I'll read as many bad porn as you wa-”

 “Just!” Loki snapped, holding out his finger in a 'say one more and I'll hang you with your own intestines' kind of gesture. Amazing how a finger could mean so much. “Just, just shut up.” Well, at least he picked up his phone. However, Stark wasn't known for being a guy who could stay quiet for too long, so, as Loki searched through his contacts, his eyes landed on the book on the other's lap.

 “Seriously though, why are you still reading it?”

 “The porn is good.” Ah. He was right then.

 The room got quiet as they waited for Tony's phone to ring, with Loki checking his nails, the neat bastard, and Stark trying to brush off the 'you fucked up' feeling, even though he had no idea as to what he fucked up this time. Until Loki's ringtone rang from under the bar.

  _'m blue, da ba dee da ba die da ba dee da ba die da ba dee da ba die da ba dee da ba die da ba dee da ba die._

_I'm blue da ba dee da ba die da ba dee da ba die da ba dee da ba die da ba dee da ba die da ba dee da ba die._

 

 Oh.

 

_Oh._

 

 Fuck. He is so fucked up. Tony watched every little movement of Loki's body, who remained immobile, impossibly so. When the ringtone finished, the room was even quieter. Stark felt as if his heart was going to jump off any minute by now, which wasn't a comfortable feeling because of the shrapnel.

 “So...uh... W-we found it!” He sputtered, still waiting for a reaction of the other. “So... I'll just... You know... Pick it up...” He moved very slowly until...

  _I'm blue, da ba dee da ba die da ba dee da ba die da ba dee da ba die da ba dee da ba die da ba dee da ba die._

_I'm blue da ba dee da ba die da ba dee da ba die da ba dee da ba die da ba dee da ba die da ba dee da ba die._

 And suddenly, Loki was staring straight into his eyes, the book now laying forgotten on the floor.

 “Jarvis.” He said in a low, creepy voice that promised a lot of pain. Okay, so it was going to be option number two. At least Stark was going to go down as a happy man. “Please, tell Ms. Potts that Mr. Stark here won't be able to make it to the meeting. Tell her that he's feeling a little...blue, today.”

 “As you wish, sir.”

 “Uhm... Lokes, please, it's just a joke.” Tony said as he forced a grin, while backing down away from Loki, who just stared at him like a hunter stares at its prey. “I'll read you porn?”

 Stark didn't attend to that day's meeting, nor the next's, nor the other's. When he did show up at one, he had gotten a strange trauma at the word and color blue. Thor was the only one who seemed to sympathize with him.

 “A shame, my friend. Truly a shame.” Was the only thing he said before walking away while shaking his head. Tony was beginning to regret not having his head split in two by a book.

 


End file.
